Chapter 144

I walk out of the bathroom, draped in his fluffy robe, free of grime, city smells and chaos. Refreshed by
the shower I told him I needed to take alone, and I feel less surreal. I needed some head space to
process this stuff, and even though he was reluctant to let me out of his sight, he agreed, as long as I
knew he would be charging in if I took too long. I didn’t doubt he would.

He’s sat on the bed when I walk out, backed up against the headboard, his phone in his hand and his
knees propped up holding it. He sees me and slides his legs down, leaning over to put his phone on his
docking station and motions for me to come to him, with complete exhaustion on that face. I climb up
on the bed without hesitation, shimmy into his open arms, curling up beside him to sit up against his
chest and snuggle into muscles that fit so perfectly around me.

“Your friend is okay, she’s in the hospital under Alexi’s care. He says not to worry about her anymore.”
Arry cuddles me in, kisses the top of my head and I nod, filled with relief and getting some comfort for
that at least. I don’t want to talk about her. I just want my day to feel normal, like none of this happened
at all.

“You decided to camp on your bed and wait for me?” I ask, blinking up at him with a smile. He looks
normal now. like he’s washed his face, calmed down his inner chaos and even his hair. He has fresh
clothes on too, and it’s only now I realize that he had been wearing last night’s clothes when I walked in
here earlier. Arrick was never the type to fall to pieces and neglect his appearance like that; it
reinforces everything I mean to him and I’m hit with that gut aching gnaw of guilt that I could ever doubt
that.

“I wanted to be close to you… In case you needed me.” He gazes back seriously and I’m glad to see
that he seems more pulled together and back to calm and cool. He is back to being my Arry, stable and
chilled, hiding the war of emotions he keeps below the surface and I finally feel more at peace. He’s my
stability, my constant level, and when he falls apart then I suddenly don’t know how to be. I never
realized before how much I need that side of him to be this way.



“You’re lame.” I sigh and turn my face, so I can snuggle against his heartbeat, listening to its lulling
rhythm, so utterly drained. I know there’s a world of stuff we should say to each other and that I should
apologize.

“I know, baby…. You make me lame though. I really know how to make a mess of everything when it
comes to you. I couldn’t live without you, Sophie.” My heart tugs at the sudden raw way it comes out of
his mouth and his eyes narrow a little as he fights back fresh emotions. I sigh heavily, my heart aching
with so much between us, closing my eyes, using his steady breathing and heartbeat to keep me
grounded and hope all this intensity will float away and leave us back to being how we were, before
any of last night or this morning happened. I want to forget all of it.

“I’m sorry about last night. About how I acted, the things I said.” there’s that familiar tug in my throat,
the inability to talk about this without getting close to tears. All I did in the car coming here, was think
about how stupid I was, how horribly I acted and how wrong I was to lay hands on him.

Hitting him isn’t okay, it’s never okay and I wonder if I need to go back to my counsellor to readdress
the anger issues. The impulsive need in me to lash out when pain is inflicted upon me. The aggressive
side to me that I have little control over.

“Don’t, Sophs …. Look at me.” Arrick sits up and helps maneuver me to sit up too, so we’re face to face
as he strokes my cheek, brushing back my damp hair and focusing his eyes on mine. “You have
nothing to be sorry for, baby… I did all of that. I made last night happen. It was all my fault, all of it,
even the way you blew up and went off the charts.” He leans in and kisses my forehead softly, strokes
my face and pulls back to rest against my head, regarding me with a pained expression.

“You didn’t make me act like a prized jealous bitch, Arrick.” I look away, but he tilts my face back by the
chin. Not letting me away and tightening his arm around my shoulders.



“Yes, I did! … This is all I thought about when I was walking the streets of New York trying to find you. I
came back, Sophs, got to my apartment and thought, ‘what the fuck am I doing?’ I realized that I left
you, after telling you a million times I never would, and hightailed right back to you, baby. I ran all the
way, because I knew I was wasting time looking for a cab, feeling like the biggest asshole going and
knowing I was just fucking things up more than I have already. Losing you all over again.” He narrows
his eyes, furrows his brows and nudges his nose a little closer, wanting me close enough to feel against
his entire face. His husky tone betrays how close to breaking he is, and it only fuels the deep welt
inside of me and urges my eyes to mist up.

“You haven’t been fucking things up, I have. By being insecure, jealous, and stupid whenever she calls
you.” I answer softly, full of regret and hating that is how we even got here. If I hadn’t acted that way
then he would have told me about Miami, while he was still there. He would have kept me dancing after
arguing with Miranda and then we would have gone home together and snuggled up in bed and none
of this morning would have happened at all.

“No, stop that and listen to me.…. This is me, all on me, I see that now…I should have cut ties from day
one of being with you, I should have told you about Miami as soon as she showed up. I was wrong and
didn’t put myself in your head. I kept thinking doing the right thing was how to play it and all I was doing
was making it harder for you to trust me again. I’ll never keep anything from you again, I swear. I need
to stop putting my own stupid ideas over what you need from me, stop thinking about how it makes me
look and start realizing it hurts you. All of this is because of me, last night was the climax to you holding
it all in for weeks. I know you, you’re not irrational and jealous with other women I know… Just her. It
should have been a neon sign that I needed to do a better job at making you feel loved and secure,
Sophie.” He swallows hard, that tinge of upset and emotion clawing away at him as he sighs heavily
against me. So many emotions warring across his face, his eyes have returned to green speckles and
flecks that are insanely intense.



“You do make me feel loved, you go above and beyond to make me feel like I’m the center of your
world.” I try to defend him against himself, truly adoring him in every way and hating that he’s trying to
blame himself for everything. He can’t dismiss the fact I attacked her and him last night. I know I have
responsibility in this too, I can’t always blame him for how I behave.

“You are the center of my world. You have no idea. When I couldn’t find you last night, I called Jake
freaking out. I didn’t know where you would go, where you would be. I was beyond crazy with so many
possibilities and the thought of how many girls get attacked in the city every day, so he flew out to help
look. I must have called you twenty times and begged you to answer. I called Christian and Jenny too
and no one knew where you were.” He squeezes me a little tighter, lost in memory and distraught at
how it felt.

“Seventeen times.” I giggle, tears in my eyes and he smiles too, breaking that heart wrenching
expression apart.

“I needed air and time to walk…Clear my head. I put my cell on silent as I really didn’t think you would
call or even come back. I didn’t know you were looking for me. I thought you were done.” I answer him
honestly, untangling myself from him and managing to sit up properly, overheated from his embrace
while in a heavy robe in a very warm apartment. He lets me go but catches my hand and draws it into
his, playing with my fingers gently and tracing the marks littered across it.

“That right there! … Not thinking I would, not expecting that I would. It’s proof that I’m not making you
feel like you’re all that matters to me. That I’m failing to make you believe that I will always come back
for you. No matter what, no matter the fight. I was pissed and drunk, thinking like an asshole…. All it
took was walking into this apartment without you and I realized how wrong this all was. I love you…
More than I can ever express, because I don’t know how else to say it. Those three words don’t seem
to be enough for the level of emotion I have for you. I’ll never stop loving you, no matter how mad we
get at each other. You make me better, you complete my life; without you, Sophie, I don’t know how to
breathe or just be. I need you more than you will ever know.” The intensity of those soft brown eyes



locked on mine take my breath away, tears rolling down my chin with the sheer truth behind them. I
can’t deny how much he loves me when he looks at me like this. How much I need him too. He breaks
me apart inside in every way.

“I know you love me. I know that sometimes I make it impossible to love me.” I look away from him, so
he doesn’t see how ashamed I am for everything I do to him. He tugs at my hand as he gets up on his
knees and faces me, sliding down to mirror my upright pose and angles in so he’s back in my face,
kissing me softly on the lips.

“No, you don’t. You’re far too easy to love, that’s my downfall. Even when you’re acting out and getting
hellcat on me. I love you so much it rips my head apart.” He strokes my cheek and brushes a thumb
across my mouth, bringing my eyes back to him. “I text Natasha and told her I’m done with her. To stay
away and leave me alone. I saw another side to this whole thing last night, saw a side to her that I
never knew existed and it made me realize that I’m hurting you for a girl that isn’t worth the effort. She’s
gone, she’s not going to be an issue and I blocked her cell number, so she can’t even respond.” He
searches my gaze for a reaction and I’m overwhelmed suddenly. That he would do that for me, even
though I never asked him to. Wanted it for so long but knew my reasons were so selfish, yet he’s done
it anyway. My eyes fill with tears at the thought that he really is choosing me over her, properly this
time.

“Really…. You’re done with her?” I whisper softly, more tears slide over my cheek, he lifts my chin,
brushes it away and kisses the path it travelled so very tenderly that it warms my insides.

“Honestly … She can hate me if she wants. I don’t care anymore. I only care about you, and us, our
life, and making you happy. I asked Jake to take over the medical details and deal with her directly, told
him I don’t want to know anymore, and he agrees. He pointed out how dumb I was to ever keep her
involved when I was trying to get you to trust me again. I know I screwed up, Sophie. Last night was a
massive lightning bolt to the brain that finally made me see sense… I know this is all on me. I’m going



to do so much better, baby, I’m going to try so much harder.” He pulls me onto his lap, not happy with
the brief touch he has on me and pulls my legs to wrap around his waist, not even catching a quick
perve under my robe as it splays open to reveal naked me underneath.

“You already make me happy. You don’t need to do more. I am happy.” I smile when he leans in and
kisses me on the mouth more intently, a deep kiss, parting my lips and making every part of me tingle
with the emotion it pulls through me. I can never doubt how he feels when he kisses me like this, it’s so
much more than those three little words and it heals so many wounds. Lost in each other for a moment
and erasing so many tears and pains that we inflicted one another in the early hours. I completely
forgive him for all of that and more. He breaks away, staying close and watching me with unveiled
adoration.

“I love you.” He lifts my hand and plays with my fingers in his, eyes flittering down to look at the bruised
mess on my hand, gently tracing them with a frown. I know that later we should talk about Camilla, but
for now he’s my only focus.

“I love you more.” I respond honestly, without hesitation and his eyes dart back to mine in sudden
surprise. Immediate filling of moisture and a slight furrow of the brow. He falters, swallows hard and
clears his throat, completely overcome.

“You mean that?” He seems suddenly so much more fragile, younger and I nod, equally welling up at
how he’s reacting to something I used to say all the time. Something I always felt for him and hoped he
knew I still felt for him.

“I mean it. I always have, even when I didn’t see you anymore. I always will.” I sniff through a smile as
tears let loose again and then we’re both nose to nose, equally emotional.

“I never realized how much I needed to hear it until now…. Say it again.” Arrick’s voice breaks as his
eyes glaze over and I trace over his lips with my fingertips, loving him so much more than I ever felt



possible. Aching to make him feel the way he makes me feel.

“I love you.” I whisper softly as his arms come around me and yanks me tightly to his body, kissing me
fiercely and almost crushing the life out of me once more.


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